so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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