while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
