Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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