what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
