I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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