I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
