Who did Billy Mays play for?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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