I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
