Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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