i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
