Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
