My nipple is on Facebook.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
