I could have mohawked her pubes.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
