i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
