Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
