i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
