I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
