So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
