I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
