is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
