Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
