they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
