I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
