Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
being pregnant is like rehab
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
