I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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