i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
