i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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