just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
