she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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