3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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