you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
