you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
