I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
