i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
