Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
