What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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