11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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