having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize