Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
