Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
