...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
