You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
