we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
