he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm both gender and math confused
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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