just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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