Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We just shotgunned beers for America
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
