morning after pill = breakfast in bed
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
