i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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