Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
