wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
