I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
