Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
