Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I smell stomach acid.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
