he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
